Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
Need Jokes
Why did the rapper bring a pencil to the concert?
In case he needed to drop some FRESH LINES.
Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.
Drake has too much meat. Donate to the people in need.
Yo mama so thick, they need an aircraft carrier to take her places.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
Why did the short person become a chef?
Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!
Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already WORLDWIDE.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.
I need to go to the tailor, or so it seams.
Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.
"Out of the way, I need to Caterpie."
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
They need a parent's signature.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wants to take a bath, they need to make more H2O.
If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.
They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.
The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.
I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.
jacethehater, you are a hater, and it needs to stop! Waterhsharky is very nice to people, so leave him alone for whatever he/she did or did not do. He did not do nothing. So leave him/her alone. Plus, making threats to people is very bad, and comments can be seen everywhere! So don't get too cocky with everything.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
