Need jokes
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?
America.
Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Discord.
Discord who?
I need discord to plug in the phone.
I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.
My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."
People in 1 Ad: I bet we will have the best technology ever in 2023.
2023: GO BACK NOW! THERE'S 50 THOUSAND GENDERS, DUMB GEN Z, TIK TOK, WE NEED JESUS!
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1
Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.
Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)
Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.
Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)
Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.
Mom: But what he did was wrong.
Girl: I know.
(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)
Mom: Is that ur dad.
Girl: Yes Mom
Comment Part 2
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Your mama's so fat, she needed NASA to make her ID card!
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
She’s so therapeutic.
When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
Why couldn’t the underage orphan get on an adult-only website? Because you need your parents' consent.
If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?