Need Jokes

PERSON: I need to go so bad!

TOILET: Long time no pee!!!

Stephen Hawking is not dead he justs need to charge

You aren’t alone. If you ever need to chat I’m here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn’t struggle

There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says "my brother has just been hit by a car." The policeman replied with "OK then first I need to know your name." "Shut up" "No, I need to know your name." "Shut up." "Excuse me but where are your manners." "Round the corner picking up shit."

I love fire. My friends love it too. When i set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus? You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame-up

Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphan Because the joke needs parental guidance

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

What's the worse thing about having a congolese friend?

He always needs a hand.

you dont need a parachute to go skydiving you only need a parachute to go skydifing twice

Imagine being such a low life that u need people to roast u to have stuff to do

Mom: you need to grow up. your so immature

Me: *glares* get out of my castle ....

Mom: it's a pillow fort

Me: why cant i have an imagination!?

Mom: your almost 19 years old

Me: not good enough ... OUT!

My friends hate when i make skeleton jokes.I guess i need to put more backbone into it.

So I was f*****g this b***h right, and I thought I had aides. So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get aides. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight year old get aides?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

What does a broken down vegetable say? I need new wheels.

I was laughing my ass off when the 12 year old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival 🤣🤣🤣