My jokes

Whoever is deleting my messages, comment and say why!

Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.

Mom: Meet my boyfriend.

Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?

Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.

Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?

Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.

My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...

Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?

A. Nothing, they both die at ten.

Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?

Mom: Shit, I don't know...

Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Dad: That's my boy's!!!

I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.

I slit my wrists.

My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.

My favorite meme is, "N_gga."

I used to think all Americans were racist.

Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.

I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

My dad is unlucky.

Random words in my keyboard:

The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.

What makes you guys high?

I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.

I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.

I still can’t forget that tiny little dead fish in my blue lunchbox.

Roses are red,

My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.