My jokes
I love to decorate my room because it's a great way to express your heart, though I just remembered, my room is pretty black and empty...
Orphan: I want to kill my parents.
Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.
I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.
What did Vegeta say to Bulma?
What?
Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)
I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:
"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."
....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.
RIP Meh Soul.
This is my brother after getting a girlfriend
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.
Me: So you're gonna leave me again?
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Orphan: I’m gonna tell my parents!
Me: Where are they?
Orphan: ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
El/11: Ego, My Lego.
You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.
I'm gonna cut my life off.
I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
My friend's name is Campbell, so she must love soup.