My jokes

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.

When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.

How did I know where you would go next?

Oh, I felt it in my bones!

My brother truly is a numbskull.

My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.

What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.

Wanna hear a joke?

My life.

I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.

Two pedos are on the beach.

One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"

My brother

I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...

My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:

Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"

Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"

Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.

I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.

My life.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.