My jokes
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
This one time I said to a person that they are dry, then I was wet (ba dum tiss).
My bully said I have to shut up. I said, "Shut down" (ba dum tiss).
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
My name is Jeff.
A girl said, "Suck my dick," and the man went, "I have boobs."
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
My brother truly is a numbskull.
My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.
What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
My brother