My jokes

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

Hi, my name is Bob.

Follow me on Instagram @v2good.at.fortnite and @v2good.at.edits for a surprise.

Btw, you have to like all my posts :)

I am Wayde, I like ranga balls, please cum in my ass.

I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.

My life is a joke.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."

My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?

A: Her dead fetus.

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

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