My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.
My Jokes
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?
Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.
He was fired from his job.
Ching chong kading dong.
(My best words ever used).
My name is Jamar and I come from afar, ALLAHU AKBAR!
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉
I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.
