My jokes

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.

@ the N-word of your dreams, why you not say nun on the fuckin community? You should talk on ther my g.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.

I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.

My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.

To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I have a vest. If I cut off my arms, it's a jacket!

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.

Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.

What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?

My dick!

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”

A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”

I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.

I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.