My jokes

Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.

Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"

I just got a text on my cell. Bone be right back ;)

I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.

I just shed my pants.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

You know this joke really cracks up my bones!

Bro, wait, are cannibals real, though?

Anyway, my joke is if you eat yourself, are you a cannibal?

Think about it, lol. Haha.

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

My dad coming back.

Two Indians went to a fine restaurant. They ordered parathas with curry. HAHAHAHAHA

I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"