My jokes

Dad: How was your trip to the park?

Daughter: It was good until the man came along.

Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?

Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...

Dad: Oh God, what next?

Daughter: Nothing, that was it.

Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!

I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.

My ex's love for me :(

I still love the dude sadly, but I won't take him back.

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!

James Arnold: My grandma walked in while I was knife raping my wife.

The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

"Yellow and far apart."

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Oh cool, something we have in common."

My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."

I said, "You wanna bet?"

Bam, a gunshot!

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

People say I should be proud of my autism, but truth be told, I'm only in it for the help in class.

My wife found a rock and asked if it was expensive, and I said it "leavarite". She said, "Is that expensive?" and I told her, "Leave it right there."

I just wanted to say...

These disabled jokes are quite offensive. I'm not disabled in any way, but people reading might be affected in many ways. Yes, some of them are amusing, but there's a difference between having a joke and being plain rude.

Please take my feedback into account. Thanks!

Here are some skeleton jokes.

You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.

If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.

I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.

I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.

I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!

I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.

I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.

Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"