My jokes

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

Do you know what I found in my letter soup?

A space.

My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.

My live.

You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.

Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!

I like my women like my family, they’re related.

Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to go to the movies.

Mom: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND CLEAN MY ROOM! YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!

Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.

Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!

Baby, here's my anus.

Baby, too, where's my anus?

My question is, how do fat people fit in tuxedos? Honestly, don’t wear those. Wear your regular clothes. Your belly is just gonna pop out!

Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!

My friend talking to fat boi: "I can order you at McDonald's: Double Big Mac, triple quarter pounder cheeseburger."

Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.

Me: I can only see fat.

My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"

"My penis."

Site nearly as dead as my trim.

I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...

“Are you still holding the ladder??”