I just wanted to write something random.
And now my wife is dead.
My Jokes
Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?
My friend: What?
Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”
The orphan: why don't my parents love me? Me: because you don't have any.
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭
What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍
Roses are red, violets are violet.
My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.
All I have to do is go to the Africa section.
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.
Butt plug, oh butt plug, get out of me.
Butt plug, oh butt plug, get in my mouth, oh how I wanna taste you.
Oh, butt plug, oh butt plug, something is nutty.
Your forehead is like my dad.
Non-existent.
I started crying when my dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
I read to deaf kids in my spare time.
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.
