A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.
My Jokes
Who's in my ass?
Your sister.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
I can see my future in your forehead.
"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."
The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/
I call this my great talk with Siri.
Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.
Siri: My mother? Huh?
Me: Did I stutter?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: It wasn’t a question.
Siri: I’m not sure I understand?
Me: You should understand.
Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?
Me: No, you b***.
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.
I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"
Suck my balls!
I wish my grass was emo because then it would cut itself.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.
