My Jokes

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

My dad smashed my PS5, so I smashed his wife.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!

My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?

And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

My sister told me a joke.

All she said was "my life."

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"