I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
Music Jokes
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
What did Michael Jackson find on his bed?
Billie's Jeans.
What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.
(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
A leaf and an emo fell off a cliff, who landed first? The leaf, because the rope stopped the emo.
I-I-I-I-I-I keep on hopin' we'll eat cake by the ocean, uh!
Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.
What do you call an emo with curly hair?
Sam Reid.
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
Yo mama's so dumb, she thought Bruno Mars was a planet!
What instrument do orphans play?
The sax alone.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Banana na na.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
