Music jokes
The emo kid went for a high five. People say he's still hanging.
Yo mamma so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?
My Chemical Romance.
Q: What's an emo's favorite game? A: Hangman
Q: What did the kid say to the emo kid?
A: Don't leave me hanging!
What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids turn them on.
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
What’s the difference between an onion and a viola?
No one cries when they cut up the viola.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
What is the New York fireman's favorite song?
It's raining men.
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
Why do Imagine Dragons dream about mythical creatures?
Because they're believers.
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
Dear Slim Shady,
balls.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
Interviewer: Hey JFK, what’s your favorite song by Jessie J?
JFK: I er ah Bang Bang.
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.