Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they’d given to their elderly mum.

‘I built a big house for our mum,’ said the first.

‘I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,’ said the second.

And the third smiled and said, ‘I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren’t so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.’

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

‘The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.’

To the second son she said, ‘I’m far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I’ve hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.’

To the third son she wrote ‘Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!’



why can orphans travel so much?

they don’t get homesick



Why do orphans cry so much?

They can’t find a place to go



Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It’s because he ad-MYERS it.



Girl: how much do you love me Me: count the stars in the sky Girl awww it’s infinite Me no just a waste of time


Well if stephen hawking likes black holes so much why did he call security when i put my hole on his face



I love Steven hawking jokes so much because that roll of the tongue so nicely.

Michael Jackson


Why does kids like Michael Jackson So much ?Because he made out of plastic and that what toys made out of 😂



At lwast if your fat you dont need to put as much bathwater in the bath.


How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck chuck could chuck wood if you woodchuck on the world with that you have a really deep in and he says goodbye when he says goodbye you like if you



At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid “If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollar how much do you have?” Everyone one raised their hand except one little girl.


Lets all go to sleep and not wake up_

one day i caught my sister talking to my girlfriend and she said “you never told me your Lesbian” and i said “no,not at all” my girlfriend ask “why did you not tell her” and i said " because every time i bring a girl home i hear to much noise in her room and i never get the chance to kiss them because she’s cleaning the trash" and she said “yeah,the trash is her junk”



A teacher says “if you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars how much do you have” Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front but the teacher called on her anyway. The girl said. “ My parents left me so I would have one dollar.”



Hey y’all! I jut finished some hw and am watching some tv,just though i would check in with y’all! i saw that the video got a comment for me to do a name reveal, and if someone comments this video or the other one, i will totally do it! make sure to do it if you want to know my name!!! and also here is the quote of the day:

Stay positive, Work hard, and make it happen.

Love you guys so much! <3



Hey guys! I’m back! Sorry I didn’t post yesterday! I had swim parctice, and a bunch of hw, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!

Push yourself, because no one will do it for you.

Love y’all so much!


Owen Clausen

the average Irish person consume 131.1 litres of beer almost as much as ur mum at night



Why is Donald Trump under so much stress. Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says no love for the rich on it.


What’s worse than depression & suicide? Easy : LIVING Everyday you wish you were dead but than reality hits u in the face that your still alive and has to suffer living Pretend or not pretend we have to decide everyday even if we don’t pretend no onw will notice :) no one ever does :) Living is the problem to everything we get depression cuz of it and so much why can’t we just die :) ?



“Hey, hey Spongebob! Water you doing?” [laughs]

“Just looking all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!” [laughs]

“How much have you found so far?”

“Y’know what, I’m not really shore!” [laughs]