Much jokes
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
Wanda and Daredevil have so much in common.
They both wear red, they're both in Marvel, and they both lost their Vision!
Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.
Memes
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth?"
Girl, scan the code on your wrist.
Prince, I love you very much! Happy anniversary! Love you! ❤️❤️😘
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.
How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they sit in the dark and cry.
Why do orphans die so much?
'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."