Mother's jokes
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Yo mama so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.
I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
Why do orphans rob banks?
Because they wanna feel wanted.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
Knock knock... Who's there? Surprise! Surprise who? Surprise, mother fucker!
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?