Mother's jokes
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”
The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”
Mom: “Exactly.”
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
Why do orphans rob banks?
Because they wanna feel wanted.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
Knock knock... Who's there? Surprise! Surprise who? Surprise, mother fucker!
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?
Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
What does an orphan wish they could do?
Wish happy Mother's Day and Father's Day.
The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."
The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."
Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"