Mortality jokes
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?
It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
What do your teacher and your friend have in common? They will both die eventually.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.