What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
This morning I was having a conversation with my ex boyfriend about reincarnation I said to him if you could come back in the next life as anything what would you come back as and he thought about it for a minute and says a tree that way everybody can look at me and admire me. Then he says the same thing to me I started thinking about it when these two sexy half naked studs walked by one was a jock the other on his bicycle I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat but knowing my luck I'll come back as a tampon
Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy! So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips, I was so excited. (Incase you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like "Oh that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like "Okay that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week" So long story short, I have new grips now.
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
What does cows eat for breakfast?? Steer cereal
Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called 'serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude come on you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.
I went to catch the fog this morning, I mist.
"BlessedBrian" is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads him, but somehow he KEEPS SHOWING UP.
What did the mustard say to the ketchup? "Quit running so fast, let me ketchup to you."
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.
fff.
hi good morning alex are you on this is so chat...
What do you call a rapper who CAN’T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?
Snooze Dogg.
teacher: Ok class good morning we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make. Teacher : ok what sound dose a pig make Class: a cow says mo mo teacher: good Teacher: what dose a sheep make? Class: A sheep say's maa maaa Teacher: Good ! now what dose a pig say little johnny:A pig says put your hands up and get agenst the wall youblack mother fucke*
wHAT DID I EAT FOR BREAKFAST YESTERDSAY?
10 YEAR OLDS
I just want to say good morning to Gwen and everyone on this site. Have a nice day.
What if it's okay if someone can see my blue jokes, hello, bully, love, crazy, and Ariana jokes? Thanks!
Last last, now everybody go chop breakfast.
