Waking Up jokes

In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.

Nostalgia hits you like a train.

It's so hard, you can even wake up.

My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to wake up sleeping pills.

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?

"Log in."

Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇

👱LADY: Hi. 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: How old are you? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your mom's name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What about your dad? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell GOD? 💂LIT.BABY: (spelling) G.O.D

If a little baby can spell GOD, what about you? Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if [you] know [that you] will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace, ignore if you are living by power. MINE: GOD 😃

A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

When did I wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.

Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."

He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

What is the continent that ALWAYS sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and that is so tired that it won’t wake up? Eur-ope.

If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn.