Morbid jokes
Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.
A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
Tell me morbid jokes in comments so I have some jokes for my friend.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
If I ever have a YouTube channel, I'm pretty sure it would be called "101 Things NOT To Do With Electrical Sockets."
Your reflection.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
Q: Why are morbid jokes so cruel?
A: Because they are!