Morbid jokes
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
The difference between dark jokes and morbid is,
dark jokes are 10 babies in 1 trash can, and
morbid jokes are 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.
I’m probably the episode 9 since I make people cry.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
A morbid joke would be what's going on in my mind.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
What is white with red all over?...
JFK.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.