Morbid jokes
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
In my free time, I like to help blind people.
Verb, not adjective.
There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
what's a depressed person's favorite game?
hangman
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.
Why the f was my shooting joke removed? It was funny, and this is obviously a website for morbid humor. WTF, I mean, worstjokesever.com. Come on...
Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor: 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor: 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.
A morbid joke would be what's going on in my mind.