I bought a anti-bullying wristband I say I bought I stole it of a fat ginger kid
mom died so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
I was walking down main street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get a my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, expeciy when your a furry."
Help me.....
What did one orphan say to the other?
GET IN THE BATMOBILE ROBIN!!!!!
Brits don't exist mummies can't have kids
When rejected: That's ok the 3 other little pigs said no too.
Sketchy dude: you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die Me: if i push it more than once do i get more money Sketchy dude: yes but more people die Me: *rapidly pushes button* this is how you solve world hunger. Sketchy dude: ... wtf, your insane. Me: ...
My brother called me short and ugly so i called him an ambulance.
So I was being robbed and this guy had the gun to my head to i told him he was holding it backwards.
Yo mama so fat I took a picture of her last year and it is still printing
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔
What's worse than ten baby's nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to ten trees.
My Relatives Always Teased Me During Weddings saying " You'll Be Next " But they Stopped when I did the same to them during Funerals
Two brothers play on the street, one of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is they go to their mum and asks what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately. Guys go back to the yard surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: why did mum got so angry, the other: i have no idea thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside.
A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
why are Japanese peoples eyes so squinted.
Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is..
Why does us suck at chess? we lost both our towers. Why is england so good at chess? they still have their queen. Why does russia suck at chess? they only have pawns
