Morbid jokes
I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?
A: He got shot.
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.