Morbid Jokes

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

Roses are red.

Grass is green.

I think of you sucking my peen.

What’s the difference between bowling balls and babies?

You can unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"

Q: What were my son's last words before he died?

A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."

What's better than a pile of dead babies?

One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.

Who do Chinese people name their kids?

Throw the forks and knives down the stairs.

Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.

If you're serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality.

If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you'd be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn't moving.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

Daniel takes his frustrations out on Shaenaya and his sexual frustrations out on Arunima.

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Dad!

Dad who?

Silence.

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"