Morbid jokes
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
What's a popular name in China? Curiosity, because curiosity killed the cat.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
I saw a yellow bus and I knew that some-ting was wrong.
The bus was white.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
Me.
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?
Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.
Your reflection.