Morbid jokes
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
I saw a yellow bus and I knew that some-ting was wrong.
The bus was white.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
Me.
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
What's a popular name in China? Curiosity, because curiosity killed the cat.
What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?
Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.
Your reflection.
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?
There are speedos in the microwave.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.