Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Deer

When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.

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  • Rape

    Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.

    What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.

    Sex

    Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?

    "I'm stronger than you."

    Men

    Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

    "We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

    "Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

    The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

    The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

    House

    What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?

    A spicket fence!

    Chamber

    Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?

    Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.

    Ghost

    Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?

    Harlem, New York.

    Eye

    What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!

    Acne

    What's the difference between Andy and acne?

    Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.

    Rottweiler

    What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.

    You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.

    Lube

    What do you do when your baby starts screaming?

    Use more lube.

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  • Interview

    I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?