Morbid jokes

I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.

What are American schools?

Shooting ranges.

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.

Where did Tanner go during the 9/11 terrorist attack?

Everywhere.

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.

What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?

They fight and... You know the rest.

A morbid joke would be what's going on in my mind.

Why couldn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.

And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.

The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!

Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?

A: To hide up cherry trees.

Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?

A: Giraffes eating cherries.

My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.

I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.

I finally got my wife to shut up.

Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!

"This vacuum sucks!"

Vacuum: "Yes, I do."