Morbid jokes
A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells "Senpai!" The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says "What?"
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
New civil war themed porn title: “Harriet Tubman gets hit with something other than an iron ingot.”