Morbid jokes
Have you heard of the movie "Constipation"?
No?
Because it hasn't come out yet.
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
Alfred the Great was arguably the greatest king in England’s history.
The worst? Richard the Goat Fucker.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
What does a baby in a blender look like? I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Imagine orphans watching Spiderman: No Way Home.
Q: Wanna see something funny?
A: Sure.
*bomb Florida*
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.