Morbid jokes
A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).
The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL
THE END
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
What is Juice WRLD's favorite restaurant?
Little Seizures.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"
I moved so much stone today.
I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?
There's twenty of them.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"