Morbid jokes
Hate me all you want, but I gotta say, this whole thing with Gwen and TJ is ridiculous.
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!πππππ
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...π
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"
The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."
A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"
The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."
Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
Dad: How was your trip to the park?
Daughter: It was good until the man came along.
Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?
Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...
Dad: Oh God, what next?
Daughter: Nothing, that was it.
Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.