Morbid jokes
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.