Morbid jokes
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
You know why orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their parents.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.