Morbid jokes
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
This comment section is so dark, it could be Lil Huddy.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
What do you call an Asian man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist fuck!
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast? A Sandy Hooker
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
These jokes are so dark that their life matters.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.