Morbid jokes
What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight
I'd tell a slavery joke, but they've been flogged to death.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
9/11 is the biggest game of Jenga... ;)
Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!