Morbid jokes
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
What song do you think was playing at the school?
"Pumped Up Kicks"
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
My humour is so dark that its life matters.
What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"
The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."
A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"
The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."
Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
Billy got a bike and a soccer ball for his birthday from his uncle, but he was very upset. Why? Because he has no legs.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous?
Because she blew up.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.