Morbid jokes
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
If at first you don't succeed, cheat.
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
Stephen Hawking lost connection to the WiFi.
"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.
P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.
P2: Airplane wifi.
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...
"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."
Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)
If you're reading this, then your life means nothing...
Have a nice day! 🙂😊
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.