Morbid jokes
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
Stephen Hawking lost connection to the WiFi.
"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.
P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.
P2: Airplane wifi.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...
"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."
Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
If you're reading this, then your life means nothing...
Have a nice day! 🙂😊
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
Who needs April Fool's when your life is a joke?
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.