A father and a son were painting pictures together, the son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T and the son said “what happened to your hand?” looking at the scar tissue near the father’s knuckle, the father replied with “you know what happened, you were there.” the son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings - they’re exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there’s only one painting.

Wanna know something funny?

  • Women’s rights

What’s the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

You can’t f... a rock

one day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead I called his parents.

i like my women like i like my coffee

without other peoples dicks in it

A man had moved to a new contry with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there telling he wanted his dog to be groomed. The man behind the counter responded with “yes happy dog, come back in little hours” so the man left and came back a couple hours later when he asked about his dog he was given a box of jerky he found out “happy dog” was the name of the place where dogs become food.

What’s so bad about 9 divided by 11???

Who do Chinese people name their kids

Throw the forks and knives down the stairs

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his whole family.

it says enter a joke, but I can’t enter my life.

a girl and a boy were on a date, the boy kept farting. the girl asked, What Is Wrong?!?!the boy replied, “explosive diareah.” the girl said ew.

The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. the center of the explosion, the bathroom.

What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?

Beets stain your teeth.

How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different? When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a corvette… I don’t have a corvette in my garage

Kid starts shooting people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.

Billy got a bike and a soccer ball for his birthday from his uncle, but he was very upset. Why? Because he has no legs.

I like my women like a day. 20 four year olds. 24 hours of fun

Q:What is red white and blue and fun to watch? A: a cop car rolling over after tryong to catch for speeding

Stephen Hawking lost Wifi connection