Morbid jokes
Stephen Hawking lost connection to the WiFi.
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.
P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.
P2: Airplane wifi.
I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...
"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."
Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
If you're reading this, then your life means nothing...
Have a nice day! 🙂😊
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
Who needs April Fool's when your life is a joke?
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.