Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
Morbid Jokes
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon!
(9/11 joke)
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.
My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)
"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.
