Morbid jokes
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"? They never get old.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
My gf dumped me, so I took her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?
A school shooting.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Have you ever tried anal bleaching?
It really helps assholes lighten up.
Why do trees never call emo kids?
The emos always hang up on them.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*