Morbid jokes
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
What do you call an obese man with bipolar? Twins.
A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.
The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"
What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.
What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Shut the f*ck up.
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?
A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
modern feminism.
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Alien vs Predator.
Cosby vs E.T.