Morbid jokes
If at first you don't succeed, cheat.
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
Stephen Hawking lost connection to the WiFi.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.
P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.
P2: Airplane wifi.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...
"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."
Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
If you're reading this, then your life means nothing...
Have a nice day! 🙂😊
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
Who needs April Fool's when your life is a joke?
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.