Morbid jokes

I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?

There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?

A pentagon!

(9/11 joke)

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.

"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.

One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"

If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.

I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)

There's 3 things I hate.

1. Jokes

2. Lists

3. Irony.

Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

If at first you don't succeed, cheat.

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.