My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
Morbid Jokes
What is a cannibal's favorite drink?
Coffee.
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
BLM.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wipe his ass.
What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
Like if you like school (I mean if you don't)!
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
