Morbid jokes
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
Hate me all you want, but I gotta say, this whole thing with Gwen and TJ is ridiculous.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
Want to hear a joke?
Fortnite.
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
Happiness.
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"