Morbid jokes
What do you call a Terrorist in a wheel chair?
RCXD in bound
I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.
White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"
Why didn't Logan Paul high five the Asian man? Because he loves to leave Asians hanging.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Super Power Beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.
Splat.
The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?
An airstrike.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.
But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.