Morbid jokes

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"

Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.

What do you call a deaf animal?

Anything, it can't hear you.

I’m probably the episode 9 since I make people cry.

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.

yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.

American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.

African XP farms: Cotton field.

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.