My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Super Power Beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.
Splat.
The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
What do you call a Terrorist in a wheel chair?
RCXD in bound
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.
But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?
An airstrike.
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
