Morbid jokes
What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?
The Final Cut.
What do you call six gay men at war? Rainbow Six Siege.
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
Shut the f*ck up.
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.