Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Baby

    • What is red and cries and spins around and around?

    - A baby in a microwave.

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    • Baby

    • Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can see the look on its face as you climax.

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    • Shelter

    • What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

    "Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

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    • Girl

    • A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

    Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."

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    • Gender

    • A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."

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    • Ex

    • Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

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    • Sister

    • When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?

    Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!

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    • Girlfriend

    • When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

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    • Emo kid

    • Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.

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    • Hunter

    • Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.

    Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"

    Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."

    Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."

    *Operator hears a distant gunshot*

    Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"

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