Morbid jokes
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
"What do you want to eat?"
"You choose."
"Children."
"What?"
*Picks up pot*
"You said anything!"
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
I'd tell a slavery joke, but they've been flogged to death.
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
What did the egg say to the tuna?
I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
What's the square root of your dead?
9/11.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
Why was 10 scared? Cause he saw 9 rape 11.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.