Morbid jokes
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
What's harder than steel?
Michel Jackson in an orphanage.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.
American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.
African XP farms: Cotton field.
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
My Asian girlfriend has a weird name. As I gave her anal, she was yelling "I'm too young."
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight
Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.