Morbid Jokes

Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam? Doctor: Yep. Male Patient: Ok im ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger. Doctor: Yep, and im not even a doctor.

Things to kids:

Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."

A Good Parent: "My baby!"

Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

if anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

Why do Nazis not wear necklaces, rings, and bracelets? Because they hate jewelry.

What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.

What do you call 2 nudists in Africa. Naked and Afraid.

I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

I like my people how I like my tea...

In a bag under water.

Three men die the same time and I'll go to heaven to go find St Peter St Peter says to them is going to be a long journey to heaven so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives we'll start with you Michael since you were quite the womanizer you and cheating on your on your wife multiple times you will be getting a Toyota the man embarrassed left in the Toyota Nolan you you were better you cheated on your wife twice so I will give you a Mercedes now for now as for you mark you never cheated on your wife you are an absolute saint so I will be giving you a Lamborghini and the Man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car and he and the Man in the Toyota what the hell is going on and the Man in the Lamborghini says I was through streets of Heaven and so my wife riding in roller skates

Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."

Baby: "Lmao, same"

I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

Man: how tall is a penguin?

Bartender: about three foot why?

Man: o shit the Bible bashing nuns I fucking hit one

Poor car

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣