Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
Morbid Jokes
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
Women’s rights.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
Why did the chicken ride across town? Because he was being taken to Tyson.
