Morbid jokes
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
A Twix.
You do not spell "computer" like this; you spell it like this: "cumputer."
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Why is six afraid of seven?
Seven is a registered six-offender.