Morbid jokes
I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Why is six afraid of seven?
Seven is a registered six-offender.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
Your mother.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"