Mom's jokes
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? Rearranged the furniture.
These are bee puns.🐝
I BEElieve you are eager to hear!🐝
I love to BEE a little 9 years old writing on this page.🐝
(Last one) I want to BEEcome a BEE. ;-; I kid... Like this now and please Subscribe to Kelly Qin on YouTube and she is my mom and she has a bake channel!
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.