Momma jokes
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
Yo momma so fake, even Barbie got jealous of her!
Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
Your momma is so fat, she doesn't need Wi-Fi, she is already worldwide!
Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.
Yo momma more like G0Z the clown.
Your momma is so stupid, when someone said it’s chilly outside, she brought a spoon and bowl.
Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.
Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.
Yo momma so stupid, she pooped in the shower.
Your Momma's so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.
Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"
Your momma so fat, when she asked for a water bed, she got a concrete bed.
Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
Joe Mama!
Your momma is so fat, the whole Earth falls down to 100,000,000 ft.
Yo momma so fat, she made up of a lot of atoms.