Mom jokes

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

What does your mom say when she is working?

Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.

David: I will surpass Kakarot!

Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.

Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.

Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!

What did the mom say to her house? "I love you"

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Evan, mom hot?

Why do I f*** my mom?

Like father like son. #batabababa

But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F.

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.

Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!

Your mom is so fat that when she went on top of one of the Twin Towers, it collapsed.

Your mom is so fat Thanos had to snap twice.