Mom

Mom Jokes

Bread

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

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  • Incest

    Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?

    A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.

    Parent

    Having homosexual parents must be terrible.

    Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".

    Incest

    Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

    But she has to. She's his mom.

    Dollar

    Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

    Kid

    Kid: Are you gay?

    Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

    Depression

    Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

    Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

    Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

    Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

  • 3
  • Abortion

    What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?

    They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”

    Bank

    Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

    Adoption

    Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."

    Turns out Christopher was adopted.

    Neighbor

    Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

    The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

    Incest

    So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

  • 8
  • Paradise

    Kid: What is between mom's legs?

    Dad: Paradise.

    Kid: What's between your legs?

    Dad: The key to paradise.

    Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.

  • 5
  • Wife

    My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

    Body Part

    I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.

    Money

    Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.

    Garden

    SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”

    MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”

    Dinner

    Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?

    Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"