Mom jokes

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

The thing my mom birthed.

Your mom.

If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

What did Rapboat's mom say to Rapboat?

"Is it in yet?"

Yo mama so ugly Donald Trump said "wrong!"

What's the difference between a God and my mom?

My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."

Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

Your mom is so fat, she looks like she ate the marshmallow from Ghostbusters.

Your mom is so fat that when she went on top of one of the Twin Towers, it collapsed.

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Why did the baby cow cross the road?

To find its mom who has the milk.

Your mom is fat, and that's a joke.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.