Mom Jokes

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die Me : No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing i'll do

Teacher: Where were you born? Student: The highway Teacher: What do you mean Student: I don't know my mom says thats were all the accidents happen.

Eric's mom asked to his son why his bag is heavy and if it is because of books. Eric replied "No, magazines"

This is how my mom always threatens me: I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too. That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

For some reason when my mom eat hot dogs she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son can anyone tell me why ?

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful

This is NOT my joke i found it on google its a texting joke Mom:Son youre grandma just passed away LOL Son:mom what do you mean LOL that means laughing out loud Mom:oh no i thought that meant lots of love i have to text everyone back!!!!

My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago but ahe didnt tell me what it was........anyways im turning 14 next month.

Technically we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with there dad than there mom?

They already know that there dad is gonna get " Milk " and never return

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things then she told me to go live in it

your mom

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now. He just moved back in with his mom.

My mom said i need Jesus in my life, So I drunk up the holy water ;}.

Billy: *spits out food*

Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.

Dad: *looks at mom*

Mom: Shut up

If you get you get it

Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??

one day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed " YoUr AdOpTeD!" he said "yeah I know my REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."