Mom Jokes

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother. Not screaming like her passengers.

Mom: son where is my condoms son: what are condoms DAD: she puts it on me and the sandwich son: wait why did my girlfriend come over and take one dad: um I don't know but go to bed son: but it's 2:46pm in the afternoon bruh

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

My mom ask stop making joke about suicide I answer- don’t worry ...I stop soon

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents we're taken so her shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: Can I play with your bellybutton my mom always let's me when we camp. So the teacher says: Sure 5 minutes later the teacher says: Woah Woah Woah that's not my bellybutton! Little Johnny says: Woah Woah Woah thats not my finger.

I almost got caught watching porn.My mom got the bill for the account but luckily dad had my back.I mean we do use the same account

You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.

What did the twin towers mom say when she fed them, open wide honey here comes the air plane

my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked "where is your sister", and i said in line to get crushed.

My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.