Mom Jokes

Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash." Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔

Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”

On Xbox live an orphan can say they f ed your mom so you can say at least mine didnt die from it.

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions

Onions was a good dog

Hey Siri, where is my dad? Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen! Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. ...WhAT-

Mom: Wake up!

Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

Mom: Why are you disappointed?

Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

Richard: Mom, someone called me gay. Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across him face. Richard: No, I couldn't. Richard's mom: Why. Richard: Because he was cute.

My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she's going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he's Doing REALLY Well

Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed. But she has to. She's his mom.

What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common They both say “my moms gonna kill me”

Christopher’s Mom said one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Turns out Christopher was adopted.

the day after chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital

Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

One time this kid came back from school and said "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said "Good news please.'' and the boy said "I got 100% on my math test today" and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said "Now to the bad news, I LIED"

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.

I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike I just collect body parts